31 Lessons From My First 30 Days of Sobriety

Today marks 30 days since I decided to stop drinking and begin the work of recovering from alcohol addiction. I use the word “decided” intentionally. I made sobriety my decision so it wouldn’t eventually become a consequence. I didn’t crash and burn. I just burned. Slowly. For over a decade.

This isn’t the perfect piece of writing I always strive for because 30 days in, I’m nowhere near “back to normal,” whatever that is. But I’m a lot closer to being myself again than I was 31 days ago. “Progress, not perfection” is the mindset that’s allowing me to hit publish on this.

For years, I convinced myself there wasn’t a real problem. I never got a DUI. I never went to jail. I never hit the “rock bottom” often dramatized in movies. But eventually, it didn’t matter how it looked from the outside because inside, life had become unmanageable. I had lost control. Even though I wanted to, I couldn't stop myself from doing something I knew was slowly killing me - and that is what it means to be an addict. It has nothing to do with a rock bottom.

After five years of trying to stop on my own, I finally found a path that gave me these 30 days: Narcotics Anonymous.

And yes, I know. I just said alcohol. I’ve never done hard drugs. But NA, not AA, turned out to be the right place for me. That’s a story for another day. For now, I’ll just say: NA gave me a way forward when nothing else had worked.

So no, this isn’t a masterpiece. It’s just a list. But if you’re newly sober, sober-curious, or quietly wondering if you have a problem, maybe it’ll help.

1. The High-Functioning Lie
Addiction doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care what you look like, what you’ve achieved, or how put-together you seem. It’s an equal-opportunity taker. In the beginning, it seems like it’s giving you a lot - relaxation, confidence, good times. But eventually, you cross an invisible threshold and alcohol begins causing anxiety, not relaxation; insecurity, not confidence; insomnia, not sleep; depression, not good times.

2. Mother Yourself First
In early sobriety, you need to mother yourself the way you’ve always mothered others but rarely mothered yourself. Be real about what you can handle. Especially in your first 30 days (but not limited to them), if all you do is not drink and get to a meeting, you’re winning. Women like us are taught to measure our value by how much we can carry, achieve, or sacrifice. We seek perfection and call it noble, when really, it’s unhealthy—and dare I say, sometimes rooted in ego. So disappoint people if you have to. Say no to others so you can say yes to your sobriety. Don’t let yourself down trying to please everyone else. (I read this years ago and learned its importance just in the past 30 days.)

3. Anger Is New Here
I’m not someone who gets angry often, so suddenly feeling angry - a lot - felt unfamiliar and uncomfortable. But it’s not because I’m mad that I can’t drink. I can drink if I want to. No one forced sobriety on me. That anger is mine, and I used to drown it in alcohol instead of feeling it. Now I have to learn how to face it and figure out where it really comes from.

4. Joy Is Foreign but Returning
In my last days of drinking, I realized I had lost the capacity to feel joy. I wasn’t looking forward to anything - not vacations, not my favorite people, not even my favorite foods. Only in the final week of these 30 days has joy started to return. It feels strange, almost like something’s wrong. I’ve even wondered if I’m experiencing hypomania (I have bipolar II disorder) but I’m told this odd feeling of joy is normal and a good sign.

5. Emotions, Unmuted
Emotions are back and they are big. In active addiction, alcohol numbs everything, including joy and pain. When you stop drinking, your brain starts searching for a new version of “balance,” and feelings can come out of nowhere. It’s frustrating, but it’s also a sign that healing has begun.

6. Sit With Discomfort
Sitting in discomfort is hard but it’s natural, and necessary. I’ve had to learn how to feel bad without trying to fix it with a substance. Society sells us pills and elixirs for every flicker of pain, and we’ve come to believe that discomfort itself is a problem. But most of human history involved feeling hard things without numbing them. I have recognized that when I sit with the bad, I also make space for the good to return. And I start to learn what actually brings me peace without escape.

7. The Tired Is Real
The fatigue in early sobriety is no joke. It’s not just physical—it’s in your bones, your brain, your spirit. I’ve heard from every recovering addict I’ve spoken to over the past 30 days that this kind of tired is normal and temporary. So I’m holding onto that.

8. That Question: Do I Really Have a Problem?
There are days the doubt creeps in: “Was it really that bad or am I being dramatic?” For those of us who never hit one dramatic rock bottom, I think this question is especially common. You want to forget the worst parts and romanticize the best lies. But eventually, inevitably, you’ll remember the moments you hated yourself, the nights you regretted, and it becomes easier to shut that question down.

9. When the Shame Creeps In
Shame is tricky. It can keep you from drinking…or it can make you want to. But drinking shame away is just hitting snooze on it, and it almost always creates new things to feel shame about. I don’t need to add anything else to that list.

10. What Was I Thinking?
Sobriety is just one long “what the fuck?” moment when you look back at what you normalized. As one example, I used to plan my hangovers - like getting everything done on Saturday so I could “have fun” that night and “relax” on Sunday. But “relax” meant sleeping for half the day and then spending the rest zombified and foggy, calling it normal.

11. Skincare and a Toothbrush—Not Just a Routine
It might sound insignificant, but it’s not. For the first time in years, the end of the day no longer means passing out before taking care of myself. I’m brushing my teeth. I’m washing the day off my face. I have a nighttime routine that doesn’t involve crashing or numbing—it involves care. There’s a quiet dignity in that. A small, everyday kind of healing I didn’t know I needed.

12. The Pull to Self-Sabotage (Never Say Never When You Think Something Won’t Happen to You)
When I heard people talk about the urge to self-sabotage right before a milestone, I honestly thought, “I don’t think that will be a problem for me.” But then yesterday (day 29) I thought about drinking more than I had since the first week. Turns out, it’s common. There are a lot of reasons it happens but for now just know: the voice that says, “Just one more before you hit 30 (or whatever number)” is real. Thankfully, the work I started in the 28 days leading up to that moment kept me from listening to it. Never say never when you think something won’t happen to you. After all, you never thought you’d find yourself contemplating or fighting an addiction in the first place, did you?

13. The Mental Relief of No Longer Negotiating
Deciding to stop and sticking to it is hard, but it feels less insane than constantly renegotiating. “Only on weekends.” Then “also Thursdays.” Then “okay, but just two a night.” Then “screw it.” That exhausting back-and-forth is gone now, and that alone feels like a weight off my shoulders.

14. “I’m Proud of You” Shows Up More Than You Expect
When you tell people about your recovery, they’ll say “I’m proud of you” more often than you’d expect. Your mind will try to convince you that people will judge you or be disappointed. But that’s another lie. And if you really believe there’s no one in your life who would say it? Message me. I’ll point you to people who will.

15. The Mirror Others See When You Tell Them
When you tell people you quit drinking, they often start thinking about their own relationship with alcohol. You hear things like, “I don’t think I drink that much differently than you,” or “I wonder if it’s affecting my sleep/my mood/my relationships.” Your sobriety becomes a mirror.

16. The Gut Knows (Literally, Your Digestive System)
I’ve had IBS since I was 12. In the last few years of drinking, it got worse, and deep down, I knew alcohol was part of the problem. But I convinced myself otherwise. Now, after 30 days sober, my stomach has never been better. It’s not a coincidence.

17. Relationships Reorganize Themselves
Sobriety shifts your relationships. Some people move closer. Others drift. And both are okay.

18. For Me: NA, Not AA
I had experienced AA before and never quite felt comfortable there. I’ll share more on that in an upcoming post, but what I can say now is that a strange set of circumstances led me to try NA instead—and I’m so glad they did. In my opinion, NA feels like AA 2.0: more modern, more inclusive, deeply spiritual but not religious, and grounded in a true commitment to leaving judgment at the door. They welcome alcohol addiction as no different from any other substance. We’re not all alcoholics—but we are all addicts. And something I look forward to exploring in a future post is this: I have no issue telling anyone I’m an addict, because I AM physically and emotionally addicted to alcohol. But I’ve never felt fully okay with the word “alcoholic.” More on that soon.

19. Recovering Addicts Are Good People
There’s a rawness, honesty, humility, and even humor that exists in recovery spaces that I haven’t found anywhere else. The opposite of shallow.

20. The Higher Power Hang-Up Isn’t a Dealbreaker
I thought I couldn’t do a 12-step program because I struggled with the “higher power” concept. But I’ve found that NA doesn’t require me to believe anything specific—only that I stay open to growth and connection.

21. The Program Is a Map, Not a Religion
You don’t have to believe in or agree with every part of the program. Take what helps. Leave what doesn’t. The only thing required is a desire to stop using. Even relapse is understood—not excused, but not shamed either.

22. Zoom Makes Recovery More Accessible
You can go to as many or as few meetings as you need, whenever you need them. There’s wisdom available 24/7 because someone, somewhere in the world, is in a Zoom room holding space. My home group is virtual, and I wouldn’t have made it to 30 days without them.

23. Getting a Sponsor is as Important as They Say
A good sponsor is honest, experienced, and doesn’t bullshit you but also doesn’t judge you because we’ve all been there and, therefore, no addict is above another. They say the things you need to hear, not just the things you want to hear, and help fill in the blind spots your own mind skips over.

24. Misconceptions Fall Away
One of my biggest misconceptions about 12-step programs was that recovery was supposed to happen in meetings. But while meetings are important (they show you that you’re not alone) the real work happens when you work the steps. I’ve seen it in others, and now that I’ve read more of the NA Basic Text, I’m ready to start my own step work. Meetings give you hope. Steps give you healing. At least, that is what I’ve come to understand.

25. We Do Recover
It’s not just a saying. You see it in other people’s eyes and hear it in their stories long before you believe it for yourself. Hearing how others removed active addiction from their lives is what gave me the confidence to believe I could do it long term, too.

26. Meetings Are Not All the Same
Every room is different. You’ll connect with some and not others. Keep showing up to multiple meetings on different days (to experience different people and different wisdom) until something clicks.

27. The Power of Repetition
The readings at the beginning of meetings felt kind of tedious at first. But over time, they’ve become grounding. They remind me why I’m here, how I got here, and why I need to keep coming back. I would easily forget otherwise because, from my past experiences, I know I can talk myself into drinking if good reasons not to aren’t immediately top of mind.

28. You Won’t Like Everything and That’s Fine
You won’t vibe with every meeting. Some people will say things that frustrate you. That’s okay. Growth and comfort rarely show up at the same time.

29. You’re Allowed to Disagree
You can disagree with parts of the program. You’re not here to conform; you’re here to heal. Keep the desire to stay clean and the rest will figure itself out.

30. Don’t Throw the Baby Out with the Bathwater
One weird meeting or cringey moment is not a reason to walk away. You can leave any time, and there’s always another meeting to try.

31. If You Want Something You’ve Never Had, You Have to Do Something You’ve Never Done
Quitting and then replacing drinking with recovery is work that we’ve never been willing to do before - but it’s the way to get a happy life back. One of the most surprising lessons I’ve discovered is how many people want to do it with you. In a world that often rewards perfection and punishes vulnerability, recovery gives you permission to be unfinished, unsure, and still worthy of love and support.

As I end this list, I’m already thinking about all the details I didn’t include—things I wish I’d said better, moments I want to expand on, insights that feel just a little unfinished. And for me, that’s uncomfortable. But I’m learning that it’s okay for things to be imperfect. I can come back later and revise, or I can leave it as it is and let it be enough for today. Because the point, like in recovery, isn’t perfection. It’s honesty. And it’s hitting “post” even when that voice in my head says, you could’ve done better. Maybe I could have. But this is where I am.